My brother, the personal trainer, told me that this 30 day paleo plan was about choosing the right meats and veggies to eat. So, my husband and I put on a crockpot to have shredded beef for dinner, and while he and the kids had bagels for breakfast, I swallowed my supplements and put my egg beaters and ham cubes in a pan. After more of it stuck to the pan than my stomach, one of the hardest days of my life began.

Let me preface that I am a teacher and this is my first week off of school. My husband is in construction and work for him is hit or miss so sometimes he is home as well, other times not. On this day, I had a playdate planned with a friend from work and our two toddler daughters. We met at a local fast food restaurant with a playplace. Less than 5 hours into my new diet I pat myself on the back for NOT having the fries or even my daughter’s fruit cup. I relished every bite of grilled chicken salad and balsamic dressing like I was the queen of Paleo dieting. I (probably rather smugly) told my friend about my diet and smiled all through lunch.

The afternoon was a different story. By 2 pm, the noon salad was a distant memory to my colon and my palette. By 4pm (while my husband ate a forbidden granola bar), I counted out EIGHT almonds to eat to tide me over through my son’s practice until dinner at 6:45. Remember the sound of the countdown beeps from the show “24”? That’s how I felt…counting down until my next morsel. When my toddler daughter climbed up in my lap to read a book, with one of her Gerber toddler snacks I swear she was gloating that she could eat it and I could not and I envisioned swiping out of her hand and devouring that little veggie puff to show her who’s boss. I even thought of stealing one little chocolate from the candy dish of leftover Christmas candy and savoring it in the car while I took my son to practice. (yes, we get so much candy as gifts at the holidays, that we still have Christmas candy in June! Likely part of my weight issue, but I digress)

I have never had such a roller coaster relationship with my food or even my husband until this diet. We argued over an avocado. Yes. An avocado. I wanted one with my shredded beef. My husband (who had cooked “special extras” for me like fresh pico and sauteed spinach in lieu of the refried beans the rest of the family would have) was offended I didn’t like what he served and reminded me this diet was about eating less as well as better. (he had a point)

And so I ended that evening a hungry, tired mess…all over food. I sat and cried in the bathroom, wondering what I had done. Was this diet worth my marriage, my happiness…heck, my sanity? Should I just love my body the way it is…forget this? I remembered something the circulated on Facebook about this Australian woman who was a model then said she still wasn’t happy so she gained back the weight and is now waging a world war against body shaming women…did this lady have the right idea?

NO. I started this. I will finish it. I won’t let something like food dictate my life or my emotions. So, new conviction in mind, tomorrow is a new day…can’t wait until breakfast! I’m hungry!!!!!!!! 😉