Hello readers. Welcome back. It’s been nearly seven years.

I started this blog with a confession; so I feel it’s appropriate I pick up with one (or two)

Confession Number One: I guess you can call it the “seven year diet itch”. Over the past seven years (the past two being a global pandemic that changed ALL of our lives), I have “settled in” at little too much to my diet marriage.

As a “whole 30 newlywed”, I went all out. In the beginning, I followed all the recipes, I exercised daily, I logged all food into an app. I had a personal trainer. I ran the half marathon (in 2 hours and 23 minutes…7 minutes under my target time, thankyouverymuch! Woot!) It was all new and exciting, and like any newlywed, I wanted to show my spouse that we made the right choice…that we could be happy together. I wanted to show my body that we could be happy with frequent exercise and healthy foods and be satisfied.

Alas, as the years have gone by, daily life has changed. The running group has slowly dissipated as all of our lives changed. My own time to go run or head to the gym for an hour or two is replaced by taxiing my own kids to their own activities like soccer, dance class, or chess. I used to say to myself after school; “I’ll hit the gym now, then grade papers tonight”. But then “tonight” comes, and I’m just too damn TIRED to grade the papers, then I’d get behind on work and then give up the gym time. (the gross abuse of “free overtime” the public school system gets from its teachers is another blog for another day, but absolutely lends itself to the physical and mental health struggles of teachers like myself) The healthy meals I used to take time to shop for, plan and prepare are replaced by foods that are easy, quick, cheap, (because I’m buying a lot more now to feed a hungry teenager) and of course something my picky daughter will actually EAT.

For those of you who have ever wondered: The struggle a parent has between their own and their children’s wants and needs is REAL. It’s hard to find that delicate balance and I fully confess that I lost it.

Also, my 34-year old body when I started this journey is now officially in it’s 4th decade of existence. My aspirations of running that FULL marathon ache in my heart as my knees start to ache with just age and use. Fine lines run through the fabric of those dreams like the ones that have appeared around my eyes. I’m pretty sure I have gained back at least 20 of those pounds that I worked so hard to lose, but I’m too embarrassed to even check. 😞

And then that afternoon, it happened. I saw her. I saw Cottage Cheese Ass. At the thrift store.

Confession Two: In college, my friends and I frequented a country line dance bar where the drinks were cheap (dollar longnecks! Holler!) and there was plenty of entertainment. One form of entertainment was a “thong contest”. The winner would get a $100 cash prize, but wouldn’t need to spend a dime at the bar because the guys would line up to buy her a drink. While this author will not confirm nor deny any actual participation, many a (usually intoxicated) young lady took part. (Because what college student didn’t need $100?) One such young lady we dubbed “Cottage Cheese Ass”. She would heft her large frame on the stage, then she would lift her skirt to show her thong. Her pale, white, cellulite dimples on the thighs and butt under the garish lights gave the appearance of cottage cheese. My young, skinny, vapid, and ignorant 21-year old self giggled with my friends and we chugged another beer to toast (and winced at) the bravery of Cottage Cheese Ass literally letting it all hang out.

And then I saw her at the thrift store.

I saw her in the mirror of the fitting room. I was there trying on shorts because I was too big for most of my own.

She was me. I had become Cottage Cheese Ass.

I cried in the fitting room. I felt that somewhere the original “Cottage Cheese Ass”, was smirking at me. Her eyebrows would be cocked as she eyed my self-pity and she would say; “how do you feel now, bitch?” I envisioned she would take a swig of her dollar long neck, smooth her skirt back in place and walk away, leaving to my well-deserved self-induced despair.

Maybe some of it is Karma doing what she does best, but no matter what, it’s time to get back to work. I fell off of…wait; LEAPED off of the wagon, and it’s time to climb back on. It’s time to find that balance.

So if you want to hitch onto this wagon to join me in getting back to a healthier lifestyle, or just want to watch the shitshow, welcome back!

Let the confessions continue.

Hello everyone!

Well, it has been nearly FORTY days since I started my “Whole 30 Journey”. Why 40 and not stop at 30? Well, if Jesus could hang in the desert for forty days surrounded by temptations, then surely I can spend forty days surviving on Trader Joe’s frozen veggies, almond butter, and avocados, right?

RIGHT.  🙂 But that doesn’t mean there were not temptations along the way.

One evening I ran (okay, DROVE)  up the street to Walgreens for some prune juice to try and help my poor toddler daughter poop. (apparently she has been eating all of the binding cheese I have not?!) Anyway, so I got what I needed for her her and was on the way to the check out but had to walk past the snack aisle to get there. After one of my many grilled chicken and veggie dinners, seeing a bag of trail mix (with dark chocolate chips!!!) was like seeing a hot fudge sundae handed to me by a shirtless Chris Hemsworth. I picked up the bag and checked for the carb count. (ok, so I was there for prune juice and tampons…so now you can understand why I really needed some chocolate!!!) It had waaaay more than 5g per tiny serving. I went over to the energy bar/diet food aisle. Surely a Luna bar or something could help me. Nope. One had 16 carbs/bar…another 22 carbs/bar. Nothing I could have. The manager on duty must have seen me wandering the store and checking every bar on the shelf and asked if she could help me. “I’m hungry, I want chocolate, and all of these have too many carbs!” I told her (surely in a whiny Kim Kardashian-esque voice). She took a step back (probably thinking I’m a bit “not all there”) and helped me look, then suggested I just eat half a bar; then when I said even that was not a plausible option she weakly smiled and said I didn’t really look like I needed to be dieting anyway. With that shred of confidence, I thanked her and went to the check out with only my prune juice (and well…you know… 😉 )

I also may have prepared myself “safe” foods to have at home when the rest of my family grabs some carb-loaded take-out, but riding in the car with the bag of greasy, carb-a-licious fries IN YOUR LAP is dangerous (to your sanity). My husband and I already got our 18 month old daughter in the terrible habit of wanting a french fry (or 2 or 10) to much on when we are en route home from a drive thru. So here I was, in the passenger seat with the bag of Arby’s on my lap. My daughter started squealing for a curly fry. I opened the bag and the steamy aroma of the curly fries drifted up into my face. I reached into the bag and picked up a piece of crispy yet curly potato perfection and swallowed the salivation as I passed the fry behind me to my daughter. Now THAT’S LOVE (and restraint), people! 😉

That same week, my husband and I attended a wedding, where I enjoyed my ONE glass of red wine and gracefully plated myself two scoops of veggies and no potatoes, pasta or rolls at the buffet. When the cake was served, I swear I could smell the vanilla buttercream from across the room…like it was tempting me to just “have a bite”. As the rest of the table enjoyed a slice for themselves, I whipped my nut sack out of my lovely Coach handbag. As some table companions (all of my husband’s family) giggled and looked at me quizzically; I started to realize I had finally been granted leave of diet purgatory because I didn’t care. These same people had complimented me earlier on my obvious weight loss. (and fabulous red dress I have not worn in 3 years) My husband had been proudly walking me around on his arm all night, and I danced in my high heels without getting tired or out of breath from just being out of shape. It was not my wedding, but it was my inner moment of redemption.

So now, 40 days after I started this journey and shared it with you, I will now share with you the results…below are before/after photos of my scale. Nearly 10 pounds down! 🙂 (Since I am a public school teacher by trade, I don’t want my before/after swimsuit pics floating around on the web…I am sure you understand!) 😉 However, I will tell you I have lost over 3.5 inches all over…almost half of it in my hips/thighs/ARSE area. 😉 I have also lost over 4% of my body fat so I am more toned, and more importantly, HEALTHY. The most important loss is also the loss of much of my self-absorbed; narcissistic body image and the internal struggle with FOOD. I am happy to go places and do things and I even wore a swimsuit to a party in public without body shaming myself. At that same party (right at the end of the whole 30 days) I ate sauce-less and bun- less pulled pork and fruit kabaobs and shared my paleo fudge without endlessly wishing I could have some nachos or cheesecake dip. (ok, so I wanted the dip a little bit!) I had fun with my family, friends, and neighbors without obsessing about the stupid stuff.

So I am sure now you are wondering “ok, so what are you gonna do next? Hop off ‘the wagon’ as quickly as possible”? HELL NO! (ok, so I have had ONE chocolate long john donut on day 34…and I ate it with a knife and fork and savored EVERY BITE). But I HAVE slowly worked in fruits and cheeses into my diet and I am continuing my supplements and my workout routine and leaving OUT carbs and starches. My palette has adjusted to my alternatives and now that I have found ways to make them cost-effective, I plan on keeping that up as much as possible. I look up nutrition info at every chain restaurant and make the best diet-friendly choices.

I have worked TOO HARD to get this far, and spent most of my precious summer break making progress towards my goals and training for races. My first one is next month. I have been working hard to get to the finish line in my goal time…but I know the race it not always to the swift…it is to the dedicated. I hope that my journey has been helpful or at least a slightly enjoyable distraction for all my readers. I have not written much of my “diet mis-adventures” lately because there have not been any. It’s just become a part of my routine, a part of the LIFE that I intend to LIVE with a better attitude and I needed to go through this journey to have it. Thank you, readers for your love and support, as it takes a lot of both to start any form of self- transformation. For any of you out there hoping to try something like this after reading this blog, GO FOR IT!!!! You’ve got nothing to lose…except maybe a little sanity, and lot of unwanted weight; both from your waistline and from your shoulders.

Hello everyone! What a busy week in the world of Paleo dieting around here…meal planning, grocery shopping, (which has become much easier and cheaper with the help of some great advice and thanks to the good people of Trader Joes and Costco!) Plus, my husband and I officially had and celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary. We went out to eat at our favorite little French restaurant where I could order a delicious artichoke appetizer, and have a steak and salad like a normal person. No special “leave off this” or “could you please substitute that”. This in itself was a wonderful, relaxing experience. 🙂 (Plus, we got grandma to watch the kids so we could cut food just for ourselves and did not need a shop-vac when we were done eating our food and the kids were done practicing newton’s laws of motion with theirs). I was also approved by my brother, the fitness guru personal trainer, to have A GLASS of RED wine. Woot! Woot! I savored my glass of Pinot Noir (something I wouldn’t have touched with a 3-foot selfie-stick before this diet thing). Of course my husband, reverting back to being the teenage boy I met in high school, encouraged me to have some more as he smiled slyly. I just laughed and said “For the carbs in another glass, I can have some of that fantastic looking cheese focaccia bread in our basket. Take my glass…pass the freakin’ basket”. He just laughed and we carried on our conversation, which somehow ended up like this:

Me: “Contrary to belief, teachers do not have eyes in the back of their heads”    Husband: “But didn’t ‘The Teacher From The Black Lagoon” have some?            Me: “I don’t know, but didn’t she also eat half a kid to demonstrate fractions?”  Husband: “That’s gross.”                                                                                                       Me: “Why, it’s all meat…probably very paleo friendly” 

Yes. These are my thoughts lately about just about EVERYTHING…is it “paleo friendly?” It’s almost 2nd nature, it’s kinda scary. But here’s the really scary thing…I’m already HALFWAY THROUGH my “whole 30”!!!! I am seriously counting down the days. (and happily counting down the weight and “flubber” lost!) But I have found a secret survival weapon that I will share with you…even better than whipping out the nut sack…it’s packing the fudge. (yup, went there again) The PALEO Fudge! Let me tell you about this discovery.

Every month, 4 of my college sorority girlfriends and I get together to have a 3-hour dinner in which we stay caught up with each other’s lives (when we aren’t texting ridiculous emojis to each other and sharing cute pics of our ridiculously adorable kids). We each take a turn selecting a new place to dine and chat. This month, my good friend C called me and said she was planning to have us to her house for yoga instruction and a paleo friendly meal, and wanted to run the menu by me. Not only is C an amazing thoughtful friend to accommodate my crazy eating habits and save me from another “Harry Met Sally” ordering fiasco, but she is a culinary goddess, for she found and perfected the Paleo dessert delight of Paleo fudge. It is 5 fabulous ingredients and only 3g of carbs per serving. I will post a link to the recipe at the end of this blog entry. (I swear you will want it, paleo or not…all at dinner enjoyed it!)

This fudge has been the lifeline for my sweet tooth. For over 2 weeks, I have not had ANY form of sweets besides my banana-nut-cardboard bars that helps me escape having to eat egg beaters. All things considered, I truly think I have been doing pretty well with the diet stuff. I am not constantly hungry, but I still want something even a little sweet…remember; no fruit for 2 more weeks…and despite everything I read in the “official” whole 30 site or what my brother tells me, my body has not yet “reset” the desire for something sweet. I found this out the hard way when searching for some chips in the pantry for my son. Yes, the “forbidden pantry”. With the rare exception of getting a canned vegetable out of it, I don’t eat ANY foods you find in a pantry. They are all processed, carb heavy foods. When you paleo, you might as well turn that into some extra space for your craft supplies or rent it out as a room to some poor college student. But, I have three other people who have stuff to eat in there. Anyway, in the pantry I pushed aside some BBQ potato chips (so over craving those), but hiding behind them was a rogue box of GIRL SCOUT COOKIES. Not just any cookies… the THIN MINTS. I hadn’t thought of cookies or sweets in days, but SEEING the BEST ONES in my freaking FACE was almost the breaking point. I needed something chocolate-y. Luckily that night, C introduced me to my new BFF “Paleo fudge”. Yes, I must limit my intake to 1 serving a day, but it’s something I can look forward to or fall back on when the sweet craving strikes.

For example, we plan on having friends and neighbors over for hot dogs and s’mores over the campfire this week-end. Now instead of lamenting I can’t have the s’mores, I can just pack some fudge for my enjoyment. 😉

Here’s the site so you can make and pack your own fudge:

http://fitbottomedeats.com/2014/07/sweet-tooth-craving-five-ingredient-paleo-fudge/

 

Greetings!

10 days down…20 to go in the “whole 30”!

The GOOD news is…it is working! There have truly been some serious results! In the first 7 days, I have lost FIVE pounds! Family and friends have commented that they can SEE some difference already, and so have I. (maybe at the end of this journey, I will post some before/after photos) My complexion is better than it has been in years; I actually leave the house without make-up on! (This is a big deal for me!) I have more energy to chase my kids on the playground!  I made it over “the wall” ALL BY MYSELF at the fitness course! I have also not had to deploy the “emergency nut sack” as much since my last posting. However, that doesn’t mean my sweet tooth has stopped communicating with my brain, and that the whole food deal is still a challenge both gastric-ally and monetarily.

I have tried saving money (and drive thru clerk sanity) by eating out less, but with our family’s busy schedule, sometimes the drive thru it is. At a recent trip to Burger King I ordered the only thing remotely diet-friendly on the menu. I ordered the grilled Chicken Apple and Cranberry Salad, asking them to hold the apples, cranberries and blue cheese. After repeating this twice, the cashier said in an exasperated tone “So…you just want chicken and lettuce?” My reply: “*Sigh*…Yeah, I guess so”. I still had to pay $5 and change for it, too.  Ridiculousness. Now, I buy a $6 package of chicken breasts, grill them and then keep them in the fridge to reheat as needed. I get about 3 meals for the price of one Burger King salad (no annoyed drive thru clerk either! Bonus!)

While I have saved some money by not eating out, my grocery bills have skyrocketed…mostly because of the new aisles I am shopping in but have never explored before! The reason why is because I was craving some variety, especially at breakfast. Not gonna lie, After over 7 days of egg beaters every morning, I thought I was going to vomit if I had to eat another egg beaters scrambled or in an omelette. I tried mixing in every meat and every veggie topping I could think of, but without the gooey, melty cheese, it’s just not the same! Seriously, even BACON couldn’t remedy this situation! So, I needed to find some sort of SWEET reprieve and started getting creative. To find ANYTHING creative, where does one turn these days? Pinterest, of course! I searched for “Whole 30” and Paleo breakfast bars or “faux-sserts”, and picked the one that looked the simplest.

Here is what I found: “Paleo Coconut Pecan Breakfast Bars”. It needed only 10 ingredients, and I calculated @ 3 carbs per serving. Do-able. 🙂 Then the grocery adventures began when I wandered in to uncharted waters…the organic-gluten-free aisle at my local grocery store. (I used to previously refer to this as the “I’m sorry you have some sort of ridiculous allergy aisle”, thinking it was reserved for those parents of kids with peanut or gluten allergies and there was no other food choice.) I know some of you are already thinking: “why didn’t you just go to Whole Foods store”? Well…Whole Foods is about a 40 minute drive from my house, and there is a reason it is nicknamed “Whole Paycheck”. 😉 Once in my local store, I looked over my brief list of about 10 items I needed to make the Coconut Bars and 2 other recipes I had found. Some of these items were almond milk, coconut milk, coconut flour, almond flour, pine nuts, chopped pecans. I had a teeny panic attack not having ANY coupons for these items, then about soiled my pants when I saw how much these items were. $11 for a small bag of almond flour! $7 for coconut flour! $6 for a bag of pecan pieces! $5 for the pine nuts! I left the store with ONE bag of groceries and my wallet was $60 lighter.

I had a mini-epiphany…no wonder obesity is an issue in this country. Anyone on a limited income can’t afford to eat this diet unless they have some bad-ass will power and will eat grilled chicken and vegetables for every meal. I could have bought 2 packages of hot dogs and 3 boxes of mac n cheese for what I paid for one bag of pecans. Imagine all the PB&J I could have made for the price of pine nuts! For what I paid in fresh avocados and other produce, I could have fed my whole family 3 meals from the dollar menu at McDonalds. Remember that chicken and lettuce salad I had at Burger King? I could have bought 2 full meals with burgers and fries off the value menu with that same amount of money. Healthy food really does take more money and time to prepare…things I know are luxuries to many women and their families. (Mine included!)

Later that same day, I counted my blessings (and my carbs) as I concocted the  closest thing to a sweet I have had in over a week…the coconut pecan bars. I of course was beaming with pride and shared the paleo-love when the bars were done. As my husband, son, toddler daughter, (and later even my food-savvy neighbor ) grimaced and spit into the trash about $4 worth of the finished product, I savored every bite of my serving…and can’t wait to have it again for breakfast.

Because it’s NOT egg beaters.

Oh, I have another confession to make. For the first time in a long time, I set the alarm to get up on a Sunday morning.  If you think that this is nothing abnormal or blog/news-worthy; know that for our household, it is. Normally, my husband and I rely on our “kid-alarms” to get us up at a reasonable hour to be able to get to church on time (works about 9 out of 10 times), but this Sunday I must confess that I set the alarm because I did NOT want to miss church today. Today was communion Sunday. During today’s service, I was going to receive a tiny wafer and a thimble full of sweet red wine, and since it’s for church, it can’t  be considered cheating on my diet, right? I mean, I can’t really ask the pastor for a more “paleo-freindly” option, so I guess it’s going to have to be “carbs for Christ”.  During service while the communion plates were being passed, my husband must have seen the sheer delight on my face, and she shook his head with a knowing grin. (Not gonna lie, I took an awfully loooong time to chew that wafer.)

See, it was my first week-end of Paleo-dieting while still trying to be a normal, socializing, human being. There were birthday parties, soccer games, BBQ’s, etc. to attend. Like most social gatherings in our culture, food would be a large part of them. I knew the temptations were coming and braced myself for them, when I should have just prepared for them. (Fortunately, the sharing of this blog had many of the friends and family I encountered over the week-end prepared for my odd dining behavior, and many even asked questions and showing interest and support in this journey. :))

The first challenge was turning away a cupcake yesterday at a birthday party #1. Yes, this seems ridiculous, but I LOVE SWEETS. To me, turning away a yummy iced concoction was like someone handing me a fistful of cash and me saying: “no thanks, my wallet is too thick at the moment. Just leave it on the table for someone else”.  My brother (the awesome personal trainer) told me that our bodies have learned to crave sugar and carbs and during a diet like this you go through similar withdrawal symptoms as you would if you were in drug rehab. Oh and I am in rehab from white, powdery substances alright… I want flour! Powdered sugar! Feeling these intense emotions over a cupcake can’t be normal, and I realized I needed help. (Admittance is at least the first step to recovery, right?)

It was after going to birthday party/BBQ #2 yesterday that I learned I needed to plan better and have a “food emergency” back-up. Birthday party #2 was a rocking pool party/BBQ where kids and adults alike were having a blast…and then there was me. After only 5 days of “the diet”, my neuroses and I of course feel am not quite”swimsuit ready”, so I didn’t swim,  couldn’t drink, and felt very unsatisfied eating only 1 un-sauced hamburger patty with a tomato and some onion on top, with a handful of raw broccoli and green pepper from the veggie tray (no dip!). The friends who knew I was dieting even gave me sympathetic looks and mouthed “I’m sorry” as they saw me try to relish each tiny bite of burger as they reached for the cookies on the massive cookie tray that just so happened to be on our table. Not gonna lie, I was more than fine to “have to take” our toddler daughter home for bed. This morning I kicked myself for letting a stupid thing like food and my own neuroses get in the way of fun…especially when my husband (who stayed at the party until @1 am), revealed to me that I missed the cops being called on the party around midnight after an apparently too-loud-too-raucous group karaoke rendition of a Dixie Chicks hit.

Lesson learned: DON’T LET A DIET get in the way of LIVING YOUR LIFE. It’s about FAMILY and FRIENDS, NOT FOOD. So, to not let this happen again, I have tried and will try some new tactics from now on. This morning, I deployed the first new tactic: The Emergency Nut Sack. Let me explan. After church (feeling not as satisfied as I thought I would after having “Christ’s carbs”) we have a tradition of going out to breakfast  before we pick up our son from Sunday school VBS. Today we chose my husband’s favorite: Steak N’ Shake. I was determined NOT to let my diet get in the way of our traditions. Surely, I could find something in either the breakfast or lunch menus to satisfy my appetite and my diet. 10 minutes after looking at nutrition information on my phone, (can you believe NO breakfast item is served without some sort of potato or bread?) my order went like something right out of “When Harry Met Sally” (one of the greatest movies of all time by the way)…

“I will have the grilled chicken salad. That’s GRILLED, please, with no croutons and no cheese but with the balsamic dressing…on the side. I would also like to add the guacamole but on the side. Thank you.” (waitress was kind enough to not roll her eyes in front of me)

While I waited for my breakfast salad, by husband enjoyed a cup of breakfast chili…with a ton of crackers…I felt my mouth start to water and started feeling sorry for and upset with myself. (I believe this is known in Snickers commercials as being “hangry”). Then I remembered the Emergency Nut Sack! I packed a snack-size plastic baggie full of cashews, almonds, pecans, walnuts, etc. (peanuts are a no-no right now) to snack on when the crave strikes! The protein packed flavor variety helped curb by appetite and my attitude. I now carry one in my purse all the time. If I am ever getting “hangry” again, all I have to do is whip out my little nut sack. 😉 (Yes. I went there.)

This tactic may not be perfection and did not make me stop craving chili and the new Steak N’ Shake Nutella shakes (hey, there WERE some hazelnuts in my emergency nut sack! Score!), but it was a decent fake-out for my mind and stomach in the restaurant…although not nearly as good as my other favorite Harry Met Sally restaurant fake-out scene.

“I’ll have what she’s having”.

 

“Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.” – Elle Woods from Legally Blonde 

So this whole diet and getting into better shape thing has another component. EXERCISE. This is what I am going to discuss today. We are NOT discussing the “F” word today…FOOD. (Even though that situation has been slowly improving, I still nearly lose it when I see a food commercial on TV of any sort. Seriously, even those Atkins and NutriSystem commercials…I’m like “YES SHARON?! I can have your special Atkins Pizza with your new meal plan?! Shut up and take my money and send me the damn little frozen pizza, STAT!) But again, I digress… 😉

As I have said before, this whole process has been an emotional roller coaster. It makes me take a harder, closer look at myself and my priorities. I have wondered if I am justified in this journey or am I shallow and need to worry about real problems like world politics, and not about the size of my arse. (yes, arse…I have been reading/watching a lot of Outlander to avoid thinking of the “F” word and the Scots rubs off on me) A great way to relieve some of this emotional stress (and of course get into shape) is EXERCISE.

I am not a stranger to a gym or a completing a 5K, but I am by no means “physically fit” or “in shape”. I can take a jog around my neighborhood and give myself a pat on the back when I get home. ..but while I can be happy that I have done “something” in the vein of exercise, a trot about the neighborhood will not turn a muffin top into sculpted abs.  So, today I deployed one of my greatest motivational weapons…my husband.

This morning, we went with our toddler daughter to our local park with a paved fitness trail. Along the trail there are some mini “obstacles” and exercises to complete. I have mentioned before that my husband and I are high school sweethearts and on days like today, he still reminds me of a high school boy. He wanted to “compete” with me and show off his alpha-male dominance on everything. He (despite a bad back and wearing khaki shorts) was determined to run faster and complete EVERY obstacle. Well, even though I am definitely not much competition, this tactic worked. I worked hard to keep up, pushed myself, and he wouldn’t let me give up. I huffed and puffed down the trail, feeling lots of jiggling body parts that I vowed will NOT be jiggling by the time I am done with this adventure.

About half a mile into the trail, there is a scaling wall as one of the obstacles. I tried and tried and just couldn’t lunge the blubber on my 5 foot 3 old race t-shirt and yoga pant-clad frame over a 4 foot wood wall. My husband parked the stroller, scaled the wall himself (khaki shorts and all) , tried (unsuccessfully) to give me pointers, then finally,(despite the passers-by) got behind me and pushed my blubbery butt up high enough so I could swing a leg over the wall. Even our 18m old daughter was giggling from the sight. However, the moral of the story is that he wouldn’t let me give up and in turn I refused give up.

With a renewed sense of energy (and possibly a need to keep running to get to the restrooms…remember the whole water input/output thing is still happening!), we finished the entire circuit…just as the skies opened and it started to rain. I giggled as we hurried back to the car because I felt good. I was happy. Exercise does make you happy…and so do supportive spouses. 🙂

“Mommy, when is the new baby coming?”

These are the words that REALLY got me started thinking about embarking on this adventure. My son asked me this about a month ago…and I wasn’t (and am not) pregnant. He meant well for a precocious 6 year old; I mean he had gotten a baby sister just 18 months ago and had watched my middle grow with life. I wasn’t mad at him of course…but I started growing angry with myself.

Obviously no woman wants to be mistaken for pregnant when she not, so this muffin top has GOT TO GO before there is any more confusion. What I didn’t expect, however; is that my first few days of this paleo diet would actually remind me of pregnancy. Here are a few reasons:

1. I’m… (yawn)… Tired! (and kinda nauseous, too)  My brother warned me about this. Carbs are a source of energy for your body. I teach science…I teach my students that the body needs sugar (glucose) and oxygen to perform cellular respiration. When cutting carbs (the glucose), you have less energy. I remember my first trimester of BOTH of my pregnancies, I wanted to nap every afternoon and was ready for bed by 8:30, then felt generally nauseated the hours in between. This feeling was pretty much the same on days 1 and 2.

2.  I have to pee…a lot…and all the time. How do you help yourself feel full when you can’t eat? Drink water! How do you flush toxins from your body? Drink water! My brother told me to drink LOTS of water and all this new water intake means lots of…ahem…output as well. I get up every two hours at night and feel like it is every 30 minutes during the day. No lie. I pee before I leave for Target (10 minutes away) …get to Target and have to pee when I get there, and can barely hold it until I get home. Those bladder control pharmaceutical commercials are less and less laughable now. My body is slowly acclimating, but for the first few days, consider investing in a bedpan so you can finish an episode of Outlander (if you have not seen this ladies…it is a series worth holding it for!)

3. Cravings! It’s all lean meats and low-glycemic carbs right now…of course I am fantasizing of a HUGE BOWL of fettuccine Alfredo with a hot fudge sundae on top!

4. The “glow”. So, the good news is I have already started seeing some positive change in my complexion. It could be the less greasy foods or the extra water intake, but my skin tone has definitely improved. BONUS!

I’m tired and have to pee…so until tomorrow… (which means breakfast! Yes!) Cheers! Thanks for reading! I am humbled by the support and positive response!!!

My brother, the personal trainer, told me that this 30 day paleo plan was about choosing the right meats and veggies to eat. So, my husband and I put on a crockpot to have shredded beef for dinner, and while he and the kids had bagels for breakfast, I swallowed my supplements and put my egg beaters and ham cubes in a pan. After more of it stuck to the pan than my stomach, one of the hardest days of my life began.

Let me preface that I am a teacher and this is my first week off of school. My husband is in construction and work for him is hit or miss so sometimes he is home as well, other times not. On this day, I had a playdate planned with a friend from work and our two toddler daughters. We met at a local fast food restaurant with a playplace. Less than 5 hours into my new diet I pat myself on the back for NOT having the fries or even my daughter’s fruit cup. I relished every bite of grilled chicken salad and balsamic dressing like I was the queen of Paleo dieting. I (probably rather smugly) told my friend about my diet and smiled all through lunch.

The afternoon was a different story. By 2 pm, the noon salad was a distant memory to my colon and my palette. By 4pm (while my husband ate a forbidden granola bar), I counted out EIGHT almonds to eat to tide me over through my son’s practice until dinner at 6:45. Remember the sound of the countdown beeps from the show “24”? That’s how I felt…counting down until my next morsel. When my toddler daughter climbed up in my lap to read a book, with one of her Gerber toddler snacks I swear she was gloating that she could eat it and I could not and I envisioned swiping out of her hand and devouring that little veggie puff to show her who’s boss. I even thought of stealing one little chocolate from the candy dish of leftover Christmas candy and savoring it in the car while I took my son to practice. (yes, we get so much candy as gifts at the holidays, that we still have Christmas candy in June! Likely part of my weight issue, but I digress)

I have never had such a roller coaster relationship with my food or even my husband until this diet. We argued over an avocado. Yes. An avocado. I wanted one with my shredded beef. My husband (who had cooked “special extras” for me like fresh pico and sauteed spinach in lieu of the refried beans the rest of the family would have) was offended I didn’t like what he served and reminded me this diet was about eating less as well as better. (he had a point)

And so I ended that evening a hungry, tired mess…all over food. I sat and cried in the bathroom, wondering what I had done. Was this diet worth my marriage, my happiness…heck, my sanity? Should I just love my body the way it is…forget this? I remembered something the circulated on Facebook about this Australian woman who was a model then said she still wasn’t happy so she gained back the weight and is now waging a world war against body shaming women…did this lady have the right idea?

NO. I started this. I will finish it. I won’t let something like food dictate my life or my emotions. So, new conviction in mind, tomorrow is a new day…can’t wait until breakfast! I’m hungry!!!!!!!! 😉

Hello everyone! I’m J…your typical everyday middle class penny-pinching suburban mom of 2. I will be celebrating my 5th annual 29th birthday this year, and have been happily married for 10 years this month. So here’s the deal: I am that woman who was skinny in high school, married my high school sweetheart prince charming, and now after having two kids is living not so happily fatter after.

I may be like you and you get it. You get the constant struggle to be the perfect “everything”; a wife who keeps things cooking in the kitchen (and the bedroom!), the mom who does everything Pinterest-perfect with smiley, rosy-cheeked kids, and is successful at work. My current and biggest struggle is my weight and my size. I am tired of squeezing into size 10-12 jeans and having a closet full of clothes that I am afraid will show my “muffin top”. I HATE that I HATE to do summer outdoor activities with my kids because of the way I look in a swimsuit. My kids deserve better. My husband deserves better. (Sure, he has told me “Oh you are beautiful the way you are”…but I want to go back to being his arm candy, not his arm jell-o.)  And I deserve better. I was once an all-state track runner. While I know there is no sense dreaming about the “glory days”, I MISS the thrill of the race and the good feeling that came with crossing a finish line and achieving a goal.  This blog is about my journey to being ME, hopefully a more skinny and in shape me, but in the end a happier-about-my-body me. So here it is; take it or leave it;  but hopefully you find my story to be either inspiring or entertaining or at least something to fill your time playing on your smartphone while you should be watching your kids on public playgrounds.

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To help force myself to do something, I have done 2 things:

1. Signed up AND PAID FOR for several races. I signed myself up for a 5, 10 and 15K, all to be run between July and Christmas. I am lucky to have a good friend and neighbor who recently completed her first half marathon and is a great motivation. Another motivation is the money. I have spent about $150 on these races. (This is 2 weeks worth of groceries in my house.) If I don’t run these races, I will have to run from my husband chasing after me with the checkbook register.

2. PALEO DIETING:  WHY????

WHY did I decide this path? My baby brother is a personal trainer. A good one. He and his wife are in fantastic shape and look like red carpet movie stars even in sweats. He gave me a meal plan and sold me some gluco-something supplements and told me to “go hard” for a month and I wouldn’t regret it. For the first time, my husband didn’t argue when we paid for the supplements, then we headed to the grocery store to let the adventure begin…